He Turned It Off
by MarieKR
Summary: At the end of Small Victories, Jack manages to turn off his helmet camera just before Thor beams him and Teal'c away. Daniel and the others think both men are dead. (First FanFic, please let me know what you think, and if I should write anything else.)
1. Blow it!

_Better go ahead and blow this thing._

Daniel flicked his eyes up toward Jack's monitor and then back, studying the plans in front of him and looking for the other option.

"That's not exactly a positive attitude, Jack," he said. The words came out just a little too loud, a little too quickly. _There's always another option,_ he thought. He just had to find it.

The video feed flipped and spun for a moment as Jack pulled his helmet off and turned it around, staring into the camera.

"Listen to me. We are not getting out of here, mission accomplished, _blow it_!"

The clipped, exasperated words struck Daniel like the bullets he could hear Teal'c firing in the background, gathering in the space just under his sternum and weighing him down.

"Jack?!" he cried, the word half a question, half a plea. The brown eyes of his friend bored into him even through the video link, as though somehow Jack could see him.

"Daniel, PLEASE." Static mangled the words 'do as I ask,' but Daniel heard them, and they drove another projectile into the ache that was stealing his breath. "...before I get eaten alive by these...DAMN BUGS!"

Daniel pulled his lower lip through his teeth, ripping his eyes away from the monitor, grimacing as he stared down at the diagram of the sub. _Where is it, there has to be a way, where is it, where is it?!_ Unable to find it, he couldn't resist looking at Jack, part of him knowing that each glance could be his last.

"Davis, give the order!" Jack shouted, throwing the helmet to the floor. The feed swirled again, the sound of machine gun fire doubling. Davis placed the phone on his heaving shoulder, looking with indecision at Daniel, just as unwilling to kill O'Neill as the other man, but ready to make the call. Daniel's brows were furrowed, his eyes anguished and his frowning mouth working slightly, as though desperate to find some combination of words that would change what he was seeing as he stared at Jack's boots in the monitor.

And then he was looking at Jack's knee, surrounded by replicators. Daniel shook his head in helpless denial, struggling to breathe as the machines swarmed his friends.

_No,_ he mouthed silently as the replicators surrounded Jack, who couldn't fight off the ones dropping down from above and those encroaching along the floor at the same time.

Daniel broke.

"Okay," he breathed, slapping his hands down on the table and looking over at Davis, refusing to meet the man's eyes. "Okay." He flicked a glance back to the monitor, then down, feeling ashamed.

"Fire on target," Davis said, his face drawn with resignation.

"Dallas is firing torpedoes. Eight seconds to impact." Daniel listens to Siler in horror, his eyes burning. Taking a deep breath, he raises the stinging orbs to the radar screen, watching the torpedoes bore their way through the water toward his teammates, his friends; his friend and his best friend. The two men he just personally condemned to death.

His gaze flutters back and forth from the radar to Jack's video feed, watching death approach Jack and Teal'c from two separate directions.

"Blackbird attempting evasive maneuver," Siler said. Daniel's heart skipped, and for a moment he caught himself hoping the replicators evaded the missiles. No such luck.

"Torpedoes still on target. Two seconds." How could Siler be so calm about this? Jack was the man's friend; Siler was probably the only person who agreed with Jack on his crazy Burns-as-a-Goa'uld theory with the Simpsons.

Siler's expression didn't change as the torpedoes found their mark.

"Direct hit," he said. Daniel stopped breathing, his eyes rooted to the screen displaying Jack's video feed. The two men fell to the floor when the sub jolted from the force of the impacts and the water flooding into the compartments. Jack pulled himself up, facing the camera, his eyes widening and his face taking on a look of horror as he stared at it. He scrambled forward, ignoring the replicators crawling over his body, and reached for the device. His fingers skittered across the lens and suddenly the screen went dark.

"_What-?!" _Several someones shouted. Daniel jerked his head up, looking at Teal'c's feed, seeing replicators get picked up and carted off by the incoming water. Teal'c's camera was still on his helmet, still on his head, and as it shorted out someone groaned. The two men were trapped underwater; if the replicators hadn't killed them yet, Jack and Teal'c were about to drown.

Daniel just looked at the monitors, tears pooling in his eyes, the creases in his forehead smoothed away as shock and sadness took the place of panic and desperation. He shouldn't be shocked, he knew – his friends had been dying for the past several minutes and Daniel himself had ordered them killed – but somehow having the feeds cut off rendered him numb and speechless.

And lost.

And angry.

He hung his head for a moment, and then threw himself to his feet, pulling the microphone from his head and throwing it down to the table. Davis lifted his head out of his hand, watching Daniel with concern as the young man strode past the SGC personnel and out of the room.


	2. Five Minutes

"Goodbye."

General Hammond hung up the receiver with a sigh. He leaned forward on his desk, putting his face in his hands and shaking his head slowly, his shoulders hunched forward with the heavy weight of grief. He'd been on the phone monitoring the situation with the Blackbird submarine, and knew that half of SG1 now lay dead at the bottom of the ocean. The general glanced over at his clock.

_Five minutes._

Not more than five minutes had passed since Daniel had given that terrible order; the archeologist was understandably distraught; before ending the call, Hammond had spoken briefly with Paul Davis, and shared the Major's concern about Daniel's mental state. Lifting his head, he picked the phone back up and called Dr. Frasier's office.

"Hello?" she said as she came on the line.

"Doctor, our personnel will be returning from the Blackbird mission soon. When they arrive I'll be sending Dr. Jackson directly to the infirmary."

"Yes sir," she replied. "What about Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill?"

Hammond took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Janet," he said in a fatherly tone, "they didn't make it."

On the other end of the line, Janet gasped softly, and Hammond winced, wishing he'd had the ability to go down and speak to her in person, but he'd been told to wait for a call from the President, and couldn't leave the office.

"I see, Sir," she said. "Should I inform Dr. Mackenzie?"

"Yes, that would probably be wi- What the HELL?!" A white flare filled the room with a loud _vvvmmfff_ sound and General Hammond dropped the phone on his desk as Carter, Teal'c, and O'Neill all appeared in front of him.

"-More like _this_ big, actually," the colonel was saying, his hands held out in front of his chest, palms pointing in and spaced a couple feet apart. Hammond stood numbly, his face turning slightly red as O'Neill looked around with a peeved expression. "He couldn't have waited until I finished the sentence? I was inviting him fishing, for cryin' out loud!"

"Colonel O'Neill, _what_ is going on here?!" O'Neill looked at the general and shrugged.

"Ah, guess Thor had enough of fishing for this trip, after pulling Teal'c and I out of that sub – at the last second, by the way, talk about timing. Looks like he decided to toss us back in our home pond!"

Teal'c raised one dark eyebrow at O'Neill and then inclined his head toward Hammond.

"It is good to see you again, GeneralHammond," he said. Sam nodded her agreement.

"Hi Sir," she said, tossing him a little wave.

"Colonel, I just got off the phone from telling Dr. Frasier to prepare for the fact that you and Teal'c are dead and Dr. Jackson gave the order. Just before that I heard said order being given and received confirmation that the two of you were lost when the Blackbird was hit. Are you telling me that Thor beamed you up after you shut off your video feed?"

"Affirmative, Sir," O'Neill replied. "Didn't you see the white beam of...beaming...light...stuff through Teal'c's feed?"

"My helmet fell off when the submarine was hit, O'Neill. I do not believe it landed where they could have seen our rescue."

"It didn't. The camera shorted out when the water flooded the compartment just after you turned off yours, Colonel; we all assumed you'd both drowned."

"Ah. Well. The reports of our deaths were greatly exaggerated, sir," O'Neill said sheepishly. "On the up side, Carter's dumb idea kicked serious replicator ass!"

Hammond looked at Sam.

"Then your mission was a success, Major?"

"Yes sir.

The general was about to say more, when the red phone rang from the desk in front of him. Hammond looked down and placed one hand on the receiver, finally noticing the other phone lying on the desk with Frasier's tinny voice saying something on the other end. He hung it up, knowing the doctor would get her explanation in a few minutes.

"Good work SG1, report to the infirmary. We'll debrief fully later when Dr. Jackson returns." A chorus of 'Yes, Sir's' followed as the trio exited Hammond's office and the general answered his phone.

"Mr. President. Actually, Sir, the mission was a success on both counts; Thor has just deposited the colonel and Teal'c in my office, safe and unharmed with Major Carter. Yes sir, I'll tell them."


	3. It Doesn't Change Anything

_Blow it!_

"Doctor Jackson?"

_Do as I ask!_

"Doctor Jackson?"

_Davis, give the order!_

"Daniel?"

_Daniel, PLEASE!_

"DANIEL!"

Daniel jumped, pulling his head off his knees to look at Major Davis. The archeologist had found himself the most secluded area of the transport plane there was and hid there, pulling his legs against his body and wrapping his arms around them, reliving the deaths of his friends over and over in his mind.

The major's sympathetic frown did nothing to soothe Daniel's irritation at being disturbed and he raised a single eyebrow at Davis. The gesture made him feel so much like Teal'c that he nearly gagged, remembering what he'd done to his teammate.

_Okay. Okay._

Daniel shook his head, trying to jar the damning words out of his mind with no luck.

"Doctor Jackson...Daniel. General Hammond wanted me to assure you that you did the right thing." Davis put a hand on Daniel's shoulder comfortingly. Daniel just stared at the man.

"I know that, Paul. It doesn't change anything." Davis drew back as Daniel dropped his head back onto his knees and wrapped his arms around it, his shoulders moving with almost mechanical precision as the young linguist struggled not to cry – again.

* * *

"Doctor Jackson...Doctor Jackson!" the voice stabbed at his ears as Daniel strode down the corridor toward Hammond's office, pulling at the small hands that tried to redirect him. "Doctor Jackson – DANIEL! Daniel, listen to me, they're not–"

"I KNOW they're not here, Janet!" He shouted, whirling to face the small doctor. "I know, because I killed them, because I. Watched. Them. Die. Just let me talk to Hammond." He ripped his arm out of her stunned grip and stalked down the hall, only stopping when two SFs planted themselves in front of the young man, refusing to move.

"Daniel, please come down to the infirmary with me. They're–"

"Where's Sam?"

"The infirmary, along with–" Daniel shoved past her, finally headed for the infirmary, at least, though he continued to ignore Doctor Frasier.

Janet threw her hands into the air and then let them fall with a slap.

"I guess he'll find out soon enough," she muttered and followed him into the infirmary.

Daniel threw open the door then hesitated inside it, realizing that he had no idea what he was going to tell Sam.

_I just killed the rest of the team, Sam. Sorry about that, no choice, want some dinner?_ That wasn't going to go over well. What if she already knew, what would he say then? _The replicators were going to kill them. Isn't drowning better than being eaten alive by mechanical spiders? They probably drowned WHILE being eaten alive by mechanical spiders, Daniel. _He hated not knowing exactly what had happened to his friends – he felt as though he'd failed them somehow by not seeing their final moments.

"Damn it, Jack, WHY did you turn off the damn camera?!" He shouted at no one – or so he thought.

"Um...Nice to see you too, Daniel," Jack said in reply, tilting his head to one side and watching as the younger man's head shot up, blue eyes locking on Jack's face.

"...Jack?" Daniel asked, his voice carrying that same half question, half plea that it had when his friend had ordered him to blow the sub.

"Yeah, Danny, it's me. Thor–" Jack's words cut off abruptly as he jumped forward to catch a suddenly unconscious Daniel before the archeologist's buckling knees hit the floor. "Woah there big guy," he said, easing his friend onto the nearest bed. Janet pushed past the colonel and examined Daniel, who was already waking up.

"He's fine sir, just shock, on top of extreme emotional stress, I'd say."

"I bet," Sam said, rubbing a hand over Daniel's arm. "You okay?"

Daniel blinked up at her, and then turned to look from Jack to Teal'c and back again repeatedly. He sat up slowly and then reached out to touch his friends.

"How?" He asked in bewilderment, removing his glasses and scrubbing both hands over his bloodshot eyes.

"Thor beamed us up to his ship moments after O'Neill turned off his camera, DanielJackson," Teal'c said before Jack could launch into another fishing metaphor – not that Jack was planning to do so. "My own camera had become dislodged from my head and thus you were unable to see our rescue."

"Oh." Daniel blinked at them a few more times and then put his glasses back on. "Right. In that case, I think I'll go–"

"–Absolutely nowhere, Doctor Jackson," Janet said. "I've been given orders to give you a thorough examination, and I think after that's done I'm going to send you home for a good night's sleep." She turned on the rest of SG1, shooing them out of the infirmary. "You're all clear and you've seen Daniel; go home and rest, all of you. Don't make me call the general and have him make it an order." The trio filed out of the infirmary in much the same way they'd left General Hammond's office earlier, leaving a drained and still slightly confused Daniel to the tender mercies of the SGC's very own Napoleonic power monger.


	4. Why, Jack?

"Is it just me, or did Daniel seem less than enthused to find out that Teal'c and I are still alive?"

"He did momentarily lose consciousness, O'Neill."

"Teal'c's right, Sir; Daniel seemed pretty out of it to begin with, and when he saw you I guess it was just too much for him."

Jack huffed as they rode the elevator up to the surface.

"When I found out he'd gotten off of Apophis's ship alive, Carter, I hugged the kid, I didn't pass out."

"With all due respect, Sir, you aren't Daniel, and you hadn't ordered him killed a few hours before, either." They reached the top of the first shaft and exited into the gray corridor, Sam and Jack signing out.

"What do you think, Teal'c?" Jack asked the Jaffa. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"From his comment as he entered the infirmary, I believe he is dealing with feelings of anger toward you, O'Neill. Perhaps his relief over our survival is at war with these feelings."

"Ah...right. Peachy. Well, see you tomorrow; don't let Frasier catch you wandering the base!"

"I do not intend to 'wander,' O'Neill; I shall be returning to my quarters and performing Kel'no'reem."

"...Nevermind, Teal'c. Goodnight."

"Goodnight O'Neill, MajorCarter."

"Bye, Teal'c!" Sam gave her teammate a wave and followed the colonel into the second elevator and the rest of the way to the surface.

"Maybe you should talk to Daniel tomorrow, Sir," she said before getting into her car. He did seem quite upset."

"Sure, Carter. 'Night."

"'Night, Sir."

* * *

"Go home, Daniel," Janet said sharply from the door of his office. "I swear if you're not off of this base in twenty minutes I'm going to have security escort you out and an airman drive you home. To be honest, I'm tempted to do that anyway."

"Janet–"

"Don't you 'Janet' me, young man, you're lucky I don't have you sedated in my infirmary."

"But there's nothing WRONG with me!" Daniel gestured wildly with both hands, looking up at the ceiling as though praying for deliverance from needle-happy doctors.

"You're far too pale, you have a severe headache, it's obvious you haven't slept in almost a day, even if I hadn't heard that from Major Davis, and on top of that you're running a low-grade fever. It's stress, pure and simple, and not just physical stress either. Sleep is the best thing for you, and that means to lay off the coffee as well!" Janet strode into the office and pulled the cold mug out of Daniel's reach and then switched off his desk lamp. With a sigh the linguist gave up and grabbed his jacket, heading to the locker room to change and finally go home.

He hadn't been getting any work done, anyway. Everything he looked at became the image of Jack's face in the camera as he reached to turn it off, plunging Daniel and the rest of the SGC personnel into an anguished pit of loss.

_How could you do that, Jack? Why did you do it? We would've known you were okay!_ He could almost picture it; Daniel was the only one who wouldn't have looked away when the torpedoes hit, the one who would have hated and yet needed to watch the last moments of his best friend. He would have seen the white flash of the transport beam, heard the distinctive sound of Asgard technology, recognized what had happened right away.

It would have stunned him, but with happiness and relief instead of emptiness and pain. He could hear himself shouting "They're okay!" and trying to explain it to those who hadn't been looking, gesturing upward, stuttering in his excitement, grinning as cheers erupted around the room and people slapped him on the back. He would've put his head down and trembled from the release of tension, secure in the knowledge that he'd see his team again soon.

_Why, Jack? Just...just why?_


	5. Welcome Home

Daniel was home before he quite realized it, stepping out of his elevator in a daze. Something hovered in front of him and he stopped, trying to figure out what blocked his path. Forcing himself to focus, a face formed before him, brown eyes looking at him with concern.

"Jack?"

"Yeah. Thought you would've been home by now; if I'd left any sooner I'd've missed 'ya." Jack stepped aside so Daniel could unlock his apartment door, and then followed his friend inside. "How you doin'?" he asked casually, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"I'm fine."

"Sure y'are. Y'know, I wouldn't mind a real answer."

"I said I'm fine, Jack. I'm home, you're home, – relatively speaking – Teal'c and Sam are home, everything's fine."

"Really? 'Cause you seem a bit out of it."

Daniel set his glasses on the coffee table and scrubbed his hands over his tired eyes in frustration.

"Yeah, just ordered the deaths of two of my friends a handful of hours ago. Took a bit out of me, you know?"

"I do, actually," Jack said, moving closer and leaning against the back of the couch. "Might help to talk about it, Daniel."

"Talk about WHAT, Jack?!" Daniel whirled around, throwing his arms in the air, his face slightly red and creased with both weariness and anger. "Talk about how you essentially asked me to kill you, and when I hesitated, when I wanted to find another way, you turned around and ordered Davis to do it?! And then you turned the damned camera off, Jack. Why? Why, Why, WHY!? Why would you DO that?!" Daniel stomped his feet, jumping around in the little dance of frustration he'd only done twice before, first with Nem and again when Jack had called him 'Plant Boy'.

"Because I didn't want you to watch me die, Daniel!" Jack shouted in reply. "Damn it, Daniel, do you have any idea how hard it was to ask you to blow that sub? Davis is military, he's trained for it, it's his _job_. He's supposed to make hard choices; you're not. It seemed kinder to take that responsibility out of your hands."

"So you didn't trust me to do the right thing."

"You hesitated!"

"Because you're my friend!"

"This is _war_, Daniel! You can't always save your friends!"

"But I can _try_, Jack! What happened to 'we don't leave our people behind'?"

"Shall I remind you about Apophis's ship?"

"No, Jack, that was different and you know it."

"How so?"

"It just WAS. I was dying ALEADY."

"So were we!"

They were inches away from each other now, shouting, arms flailing and faces red. Then Daniel caved, dropping onto the couch and burying his head in his hands.

"I know you were, Jack," he said dejectedly. "God, I know you were. I kept thinking that there had to be another way, that for us there's _always_ another way, and I just couldn't find it."

Jack sat down on the couch beside him, close enough that their shoulders brushed.

"Daniel, there's always a way out. Just...sometimes it isn't the way we want. Sometimes it's a bit more final of a way than the rest. We got lucky; Thor has incredible timing. But if he hadn't shown up – you did the right thing."

"If Davis hadn't waited to give that order until I agreed, Jack, I would've hated myself even more than I ended up doing. I was furious with you; I still am." His eyes met Jack's, the damp blue orbs bleeding with sorrow. "This will make no sense, but if you had to die like that...it was my job, my responsibility...if anyone was going to kill you, it needed to be me. You shouldn't have asked Davis to do it."

Jack sighed.

"You're right, Daniel; I'm sorry." He returned the archeologist's stare. "I understand what you mean perfectly; mercy killings should be personal things, if I had to die at the hand of a friend, I'd want it to be you, or maybe Teal'c. I trust you both to do it if it needs doing."

"Then why, Jack?"

This time it was the older man who's hands scrubbed roughly over his face as he heaved a sigh.

"I'm not sure, Danny. Something about your voice, the way you said my name...I knew you would do it, eventually, even though you hesitated. I knew you'd do it in time...I just...Damn it, Daniel, I didn't want you to _have_ to. If it had been Teal'c...he's killed friends before, he knows what it's like, how hard it is. He's made those choices. I didn't want to be the reason why you had to. I didn't want to take that particular innocence away from you."

Daniel nodded slowly, his anger ebbing away. For a moment.

"And the camera? Why'd you turn it off, Jack? I can't get over that; the whole time I thought you were dead I was furious about that the most. We would have seen you rescued, but beyond that...you forced us to abandon you. You cut yourself off from us, cut us off from you." His breath caught for a moment and then he continued on softly, almost whispering. "You were dying and you forcibly sent me away. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal, and you made me commit it."

"Danny...oh boy Danny..." Jack shook his head and groaned. "How could I let you watch me die? Any of you? Especially you, especially like that. Even after the hit the replicators were all over us; did you want to watch me be eaten alive, or drown, or both?" Daniel shook his head. "God, Daniel; I wanted to spare you that too."

"Is it perverted that I would've rather watched?" Daniel asked quietly. "Remember when Hathor tried to make you a Goa'uld?"

"How could I forget?" Jack replied with a shudder. Daniel grinned ruefully.

"I never looked away once. Sam did; she couldn't help it. I couldn't help looking. I kept thinking that it would be a terrible betrayal, to spare myself that pain when you were going through so much worse. It was like you were dying, in a way, I guess. Even if you didn't know I was watching, I wanted to be there for you as much as I could every single moment. Even if you didn't see me, and just in case you did. I wanted to be able to show you that it wasn't your fault, that nothing of what happened would be held against you. That I was still there for you.

"Watching you in the sub was the same thing, almost. Except you were actually dying, and you couldn't see me at all, even if you'd tried. But I still didn't want to look away. I couldn't. But you made me, and I hated you for it."

"Danny..." Jack's eyes prickled and his heart felt like it was being crushed under the weight of his friend's words. He wrapped a warm hand around the back of Daniel's neck and squeezed gently, drawing the younger man closer for a hug. Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack and held on tight.

"If I ever need you to kill me again, don't hesitate," Jack said huskily. "I will never blame you for doing the right thing – and if it ends up being the wrong thing, but you did it for the right reasons, or thought it was right at the time, then that's fine too. I trust you with my life, Daniel; and I trust you with ending it if necessary." Daniel nodded against Jack's shoulder, then pulled back and smiled.

"I'm glad you're alive, Jack. Welcome home – and don't EVER do that to me again."

"You got it, Danny. You got it."

* * *

Not for money, just for fun. :)


End file.
